


If The Crown Fits

by 1thousandminus7



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Confessions, F/M, Fluff, JJBella, Jjbek, M/M, Mild Angst, Part II of the OT4 fics, Polyamorous Relationships, Polyamory, pining otabek, the first of the JJbek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 21:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11449314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1thousandminus7/pseuds/1thousandminus7
Summary: How exactly are you supposed to cope when you watch the one you love fall for someone else? How are you supposed to get over them when they've locked themselves in your heart and refuse to ever let go?





	If The Crown Fits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NoireRigel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoireRigel/gifts).



> Part one of the JJbek requested by hazel-abyss on Tumblr. There will be more to come.

When did it start, exactly? Just when was it that Otabek Altin fell in love?

 

He supposed it harked back to their days together in Canada. Sharing a rink, a coach and a room. He’d developed a crush quickly, the kind of schoolboy crush that everyone gets when they meet someone that shines a little too bright, has just a little too much life in them. And JJ was certainly that. Eternally bubbly, full of awkward grins and puppy-like excitement and kindness for everyone around him. Of course, there was his talent, too. He shone, breezing through his exercises in a way Otabek had never seen before (not since that blond kid in his ballet class, anyway). He was a prodigy on the ice and he knew it; his walls already lined with trophies and medals, all in that shade of gold that suited him so well.

 

But that wasn’t when he fell in love. No, the shining confidence, the grins and the easy talent weren’t enough to tip the scales. If he really thought about it, it was when that aura fell that he was really in trouble.

 

The first night it happened… Yes. He shared a room with JJ, and that made it difficult for them to not get close quickly- maybe even closer than friends should be- and so he got to see all sides of the other boy. It happened in the middle of the night. About two-thirty AM, if Otabek’s memory served him well (and it usually did). JJ had woken up mid panic attack, and his gasping breaths and spinning thoughts had quickly dissolved into stifled sobs as he hugged his knees through the duvet. Later, JJ had told him he’d stayed like that for a good few minutes before he’d gotten up, but after several minutes of it refusing to subside, he’d pulled himself to his feet, pillow held close to his chest like a stuffed toy for comfort, and had approached Otabek’s bed. Otabek would always remember the light touch on his bare arm that had woken him up, the quiet, broken voice thick with tears that spoke just one word- _Beka_?

He’d looked up at him, at his reddened eyes, wet cheeks and arms wrapped tight around that pillow (It was red, he remembered. Red was JJ’s colour just as much as gold.), and sat up. He’d made room for JJ on his bed, but JJ refused the spot, choosing instead to nestle himself between Otabek’s legs, and curl up against his chest. His hair was soft as it brushed Otabek’s chin, his body was warm, and he clutched at Otabek’s shirt as he cried. Otabek had held him, comforted him. JJ calmed, and fell asleep in his arms, somehow more innocent and beautiful in sleep even than when awake. In the end, Otabek had fallen asleep with his back against the headboard and JJ curled in his arms. It wasn’t comfortable, and he had woken up stiff all over from the position, but he found he didn’t mind. And that had been the moment that Otabek Altin fell in love with Jean-Jacques Leroy. When that bright, shining angel of a boy had come to _him_ for reassurance at his most vulnerable.

 

And it only got worse from there. They got closer, spent more time together, shared their most vulnerable moments with each other. Cuddles turned to kisses, and kisses turned to more. Throughout it all JJ would laugh and flirt with the girls who fluttered their eyelashes at him, would tell Otabek about one girl or another, how they did funny things to his insides, how Otabek taught him to be more comfortable around them. In hindsight, Otabek really should have seen the signs.

 

And then that night happened. They were both drunk- though JJ more so- and when they got home and fell on their beds and JJ had just given him a _look_ , Otabek’s resolve broke. That was the night Otabek took JJ’s virginity.

 

After that had happened, Otabek had expected… _something_. He didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t for things to just… continue. Without a single mention of the night. It made him hurt in his chest, and that was when he realised he might be in deep. Of course, it was just when he realised that that things started falling apart. JJ met _her_ \- the stunning girl with shining black hair and full lips and shocking blue eyes that were unusual when combined with her Chinese heritage (so much more remarkable than Otabek’s own common deep brown ones). The girl Otabek watched him fall for hard. And she seemed to fall for him too, in her own powerful way, like a person might find themselves gaining affection for a puppy that chased at their heels. Before too long they were doing everything together, and though JJ tried his best to keep Otabek in his life despite this, he began pulling away, every second he spent in the happy couple’s presence another needle in his heart. He had to watch the boy he loved fall into another’s arms, and it was painful. Even so, the look on JJ’s face when he avoided his touches, when he refused to cuddle or go with him to lunch hurt almost as much. He managed to convince himself that JJ was just an expressive person, that no feelings hid behind his gestures because it all belonged to Isabella, and so when the time came for him to return to Almaty it was almost a relief.

 

The subsequent years were harsh to Otabek. He was the complete opposite of JJ, with his explosive personality and fleeting emotions and heart on his sleeve. He kept to himself, mostly, and when a strong emotion took hold it would take a lifetime or longer for it to subside. His heart could never let go of JJ, not that his flourishing career and increasingly prevalent public appearances for charity exhibitions and concerts made it easy. Otabek more often than not lost himself in practice and music and the arms of strangers, but he got by. Just about.

 

Then Barcelona happened, and Otabek met Yuri Plisetsky. Well, perhaps ‘met’ is the wrong word. _Found_ Yuri Plisetsky. And just like with JJ, their friendship grew fast. Otabek found himself roped into the fiery blond’s exhibition skate, and he went all out, a small, secret part of him hoping JJ was looking on and feeling at least some twinge of desire for him all dressed up in an outfit he knew pushed JJ’s buttons (he’d loved dressing Otabek in tight jeans and leather jackets). JJ had performed just before them, having just scraped a bronze medal after falling apart in his short program. His routine had been- as always- flashy, full of unusual elements, sharp rhythms and more visually exhausting than it had any right to be. Otabek had a feeling all those backflips would leave him sore in the morning. It was after both of their performances when things were set in motion that, looking back, perhaps should have happened years ago.

 

Otabek was in the locker room, shedding his jacket as Yuri showered and changed. And then JJ was there.

“Otabek!” He said in his eternally loud, enthusiastic voice as he packed up his gear into his bag (emblazoned with his stylised initials- his own brand). Otabek glanced up, and grunted by way of a greeting. “I’ve got some free time after this. I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere. You know, since we’re all leaving in a few days and I won’t get to see you again for at least half a year.”

It wasn’t the first time during the event JJ had asked for his company. At least this time he didn’t have his girl hanging off his arm, Otabek supposed.

“Sorry. I’m busy with Yura.”

“That’s too bad. Maybe tomorrow?”

Not for the first time, Otabek cursed JJ’s inability to read social situations. Couldn’t he tell that Otabek didn’t want him around? He knew it wasn’t fair to criticise, being that he’d been the one to remind JJ to take his meds every day for a good year, and he knew exactly what was going on in that racing brain of JJ’s.

“I’m busy, JJ.” _Now go away_.

“JJ?” He asked in a tone that was vaguely amused- most likely to cover hurt. “When did I stop being Jean, Beka?”

When you abandoned me for her, Otabek thought, but he didn’t say a thing. At the lack of response, JJ sighed.

“I hate this. I hate that we’ve grown apart, Beka. Won’t you give us a chance to be- y’know- close again?”

"No." Otabek snapped before he could stop himself. JJ blinked, trying to process that.

"...No?"

"No, Jean. You don't get to do that." His tone was sharp, and he felt like he was trying to hold together cracks in the concrete dam of his emotions with nothing more than his bare hands. If JJ pushed much more, he was going to say something he was going to regret.

"Do what? Beka, I just want to be friends again."

"Don't call me that." He'd never snapped at Jean before. Jean had been too precious to him for that.

Had been.

"I don't understand. What did I do?" JJ sounded hurt, and even as Otabek's heart thumped with the pain he had caused, he wanted to make it go away. Instead, though, he rounded on JJ, acid in his tone.

"What did you _do_? You strung me along, and abandoned me. You played with me, Jean, and I won't let you keep doing it. Two and a half years I've had to get over you, so don't you dare drag me back in. Just do us both a favour, run back to your precious girlfriend, and _leave me the fuck alone_."

JJ blinked, his eyes (a deep blue-grey, the colour of a tempest) wide and shining. For one horrible moment, Otabek thought he might cry. He squashed the urge to comfort him. Then he stepped back, any and all of his bravado gone.

"Back to Bella. Right." Those eyes looked away, struggling to meet Otabek's, and he slung the bag over his shoulder. Suddenly the bright red fabric proudly supporting its owner's initials seemed inappropriate. Too loud for the subdued man who carried it. "I'm sorry I thought-" he started, then huffed. "Never mind. I'll- just go." He turned and walked away, and Otabek knew exactly what he was feeling from the set of his shoulders, the slight crease between his eyebrows, the barely noticeable drag of his feet against the locker-room floor. He left, and Otabek stood in his wake with fresh wounds in his already scarred chest.

"Was that Jackoff Leroy?" Yuri asked, emerging from the showers in fresh clothes, the makeup (mostly) washed from his skin, rubbing his hair vigorously with a towel. "You aren't- _friends_ with him, are you?" He asked with a sneer.

"No." Otabek answered coldly. "I'm not."

"Good. Because I think I'd have to ditch you so I didn't catch Leroy-germs by association."

Otabek huffed a laugh to cover the pain, and turned away from the door, watching Yuri retrieve his things from his locker.

"Come on. We've got plans."

 

That should have been it. That might have been it if it was up to JJ alone. Unfortunately (fortunately), JJ had found himself a girl who wouldn't take things lying down the way he did. So it was late at night when he heard a sharp rapping on his hotel door, and he almost yelled at whoever it was to go away, but when they did it again he sighed and pulled himself to his feet, wondering if it was Yuri back to ask another absurd favour. When he opened the door though, he was greeted with a sharp, mildly pissed-off-looking Isabella Yang. He gave her a deadpan look, and was about to close the door again before she jammed one high-heeled (damnit, she was already taller than him) foot against the door, stopping it dead.

"You have some explaining to do, Altin."

"No. I don't. What's between me and him is just that, between me and him. Thank you."

"You severely misinterpret what it means to be in a relationship. And you of all people should know that he doesn't deal with negativity well. After what happened in the competition he doesn't need his best friend kicking him to the curb, too."

"He hasn't been my best friend for years. I don't know how much you think you know but I had good reasons."

"He told me he believes you hate him for falling in love with me."

"I can't hate him for something that isn't his fault. What I hate is the way he thinks he can treat me like I'm special and still go running back to you and leave me behind like I don't matter and that-"

"He loves you."

Otabek shut up. He registered the way she said it without a hint of hurt, or jealousy, or betrayal.

"No he doesn't. He loves _you_. Since he met you he's been head over heels."

"He loves both of us, Otabek." She sighed. "He's not... He has so much love to give, and he... we both agree that there's no harm in loving more than one person, as long as all involved are open about themselves. We're polyamorous."

"You're-" His mind tripped over the unfamiliar word, but he understood the concept of what Bella was telling him. "Are you telling me he is open to dating more than one person?"

Bella nodded, and smiled softly. She had the kindest eyes when she smiled. "And he came crying to me because believes you- what were his exact words?- 'don't want to share'."

Otabek was silent as he processed this. Did this mean he had a chance?

"I don't know if that changes anything. It may be that he's right. But when it was the three of us, back in Canada, don't think I missed the way you look at him. It took him... longer than he cares to admit to figure it all out, but it's in the way he looks at you too. If you're at all willing to entertain the idea... please do. For both your sakes." She removed her foot from the door, and stepped back. "Oh, and Otabek?" She gave him another smile, and he had to concede that he could see why JJ liked her. "I think we could get along, you and I. If you gave me a chance."

Otabek couldn't think of anything to say, so he just nodded. He had a lot to think about when he got back into bed that night.

 

Standing outside JJ's door the following evening (He'd had to wait for evening. He'd been busy with Yuri. He'd been doing things all day. He definitely wasn't putting it off.) was far more nerve wracking than it had any right to be. He still couldn't quite believe what Bella had told him, but the hope that he might have even the faintest glimmer of a chance had won out over his apprehension. He wasn't sure about this whole 'polyamory' thing, but he had weighed up the pros and cons, and decided his hurt wasn't going to go away. If two and a half years weren't enough for it to quieten down, no time would be enough. He sighed, and knocked. There was a little sound from behind the door, and a few minutes of quiet before the door was opened a little and Bella leaned out.

"Otabek!" She beamed, and pulled back to call to JJ before opening the door properly. Otabek noted that she appeared to be in a pair of jeans and one of JJ's shirts... and it looked like it might have been very hastily pulled on.

"I was, uh, hoping to talk. About... that thing we discussed." He shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly as JJ appeared, looking shocked as he uncurled the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Right." Bella giggled, and then turned to JJ and kissed him on the cheek lightly. They exchanged a few words in rapid French, and then Bella slid past Otabek into the hallway, winking at him as she passed. "I'll give you two some privacy." With that she left, leaving JJ and Otabek alone. There was a moment of awkward silence, and then JJ cleared his throat and stepped aside.

"Please! Uh, come in. Do you want a drink or something?"

Otabek took the invitation, looking around at the messy bedsheets and clothes draped over the back of the chair. JJ's skating stuff was up against the wall on the far side. "Um... Do you have anything alcoholic?" Liquid courage might help this conversation along. JJ nodded and went to the mini fridge. Otabek's eyes couldn't help but follow his tattoo as he bent down to open it and retrieve two bottles of the local beer. He cracked them open with his teeth and passed one to Otabek, who took a long draught gratefully.

"So... Bella's yelling worked." JJ chuckled, though the notes of his nervousness were apparent in his tone.

"She didn't so much yell at me as explain. You never told me you were... that you date multiple people."

"Polyamorous." JJ supplied. "Yeah. I didn't figure it out until after you left. Didn't even know it was a thing."

"And... I always believed you were straight."

"So did I, until Bella pointed out that straight guys don't pay that much attention to their male friends' asses."

Otabek flushed, but refrained from asking.

"So. I take it your being here means you aren't as opposed to the idea of sharing as I thought you might be."

"Honestly?" Otabek told him. "I'm still not sure. But I don't-" He sighed. "I'm willing to give it a try." He looked over at JJ, at the line and the motion of his throat as he drank his beer. "Isabella... She told me you... Well, she said that you love me. I'm almost afraid to believe her."

"Did she?" JJ gave a half smile. "Well, she knows me better than I know myself. I do... I want what we had before. I want that back, Beka."

Otabek considered him. "You never said anything." It wasn't a question. It was a statement, and one that he still held resentment for.

"About what?"

"About that night." JJ frowned, still confused. "The night I took your virginity, Jean." Otabek told him, and his tone was sharp again. How could JJ be so- so _dense_ sometimes? Was it really that unimportant to him?

"Oh." He glanced away, and his frown deepened. "Um... what what I supposed to say."

 _That you were mine. That you loved me. That it meant something to you_. "You could have at least acknowledged it. Most people view it as a big deal, you know."

"It wasn't the first time we messed around. It just went a little further."

Otabek sighed. "Did it mean nothing to you? Was it just a- a-" he muttered in Kazakh under his breath for a moment, looking for the word, "an affair?"

"A fling?" JJ corrected, and then shook his head. "Beka, no. You know I cared about you."

"Did I?"

"Didn't you? I told you everything. I relied on you. I shared everything I had. My thoughts, my problems, myself. Doesn't that say anything?"

"But you never said it. And you kept chasing those girls. All the time we were together, you went after them. You were never mine."

JJ took a deep breath, his fingers tapping restlessly on the side of his bottle. "I'm sorry. I was a dick to you."

"Yes. You were." Otabek told him bluntly. "So you understand why I'm a little reluctant to let you in again."

"But you're here." JJ looked up and gave him a hopeful smile. "So that's something. And this time I'm ready to say it out loud."

Otabek put his bottle aside and turned his full attention to JJ.

"So say it."

"I'm yours, Beka. If you'll have me."

"Mine..." Otabek breathed, and stood, approaching him until he stood directly in front of him. JJ looked up at him, those blue eyes (brighter now, in this light, the colour children believe water to be when they colour it in their books) full of surprise and hope. He cupped JJ's jaw with both hands and took what he wanted, what he'd wanted for so long now. He kissed JJ, coaxed it out of him with lips and tongue and careful touches, tasting the beer they both drank. A soft sigh escaped JJ, and he responded with far more practice than he'd had before, far more surety. His head tilted back, and when Otabek broke the kiss his lips were parted and damp, and he half opened his eyes to look up at Otabek through his eyelashes.

"Beka..." He breathed, and Otabek's heart beat a little bit faster. He brushed JJ's hair from his forehead, and ghosted his lips over the skin it revealed.

"Jean..." He spoke quietly, the steadiness of his voice a lie. "Thank you. For giving this to me. I will... I will try anything to have you. And I'd love nothing more than to have our closeness back... If you'd tell me that this isn't just in my head. That you want me the way I want you."

"I do." JJ told him firmly, decisively.

"Then... will you be my boyfriend? For real? None of this... playing around any more?"

JJ nodded, and his face split into a beautiful, honest grin. So unlike the ones he put on for the cameras.

"I will. I'll be yours, Beka."

"And Isabella?"

"She gives us her blessing. She supports us. I'll belong to both of you."

Otabek paused for a moment, but nodded, accepting the terms. It was worth it, to no longer feel the pain whenever he saw JJ, to fight with the fear that he'd never have what he wanted. Then he kissed JJ again, and took his hand. They fell onto the mussed sheets together, and there they would stay until JJ would call Bella (staying with his sister in her double room) and Otabek would consider how he was going to break the news to Yuri. But those problems were trifling, and old wounds had been patched up, and everything was going to be alright.

 

Maybe Otabek Altin had fallen in love years ago. But that was the moment his love went from desperate jealousy to something far stronger, far happier, something that would last a long, long time.

 

And maybe that was the moment Jean-Jacques Leroy truly fell in love, too.

 


End file.
